For the Love of Temperance (The Adventures of Ichabod Temperance Book 3) Read online

  For the last three nights, our cousins in the Southern Hemisphere have been pounded by giant meteors. One massive impact per night has struck Australia. These are excessively large specimens, and it is a wonder that they withstood entry to our atmosphere since normally, such asteroids burn up in our higher stratosphere. These big rocks usually break up, but in this case, we believe all three specimens to have made it to Earth more or less intact.

  This resourceful reporterette was lucky enough to secure an interview with the famous pride of Aussie manhood, Secret Agent James Murray.

  S.A. James Murray: “Krikey! Our first strike was in Northwest Aussie, in the Great Victorian Desert outback. Landing near Lake Disappointment, nobody give it a toinker. Then another flaming chunk of debris came down in the Queensland desert’s outback. The blazing rock almost nailed a rum canetoady’s barno. You should have heard the cockle’s terrified account. I quote: ‘Krikey, the binga waller nearly quewed me dingus. It’s a handy primble I lived to tackyback!’

  Indeed, mate.

  But blow me for a toonylip, if a third meteor should not come down last night too. The bloody missile come down in a sky full of fire to completely demolish the tackier bits of Gold Coast.

  Taking a bounce off of this tourist trap, the missile skipped her way across New South Wales to eventually come to a stop by plunging into the waters of the Great Australian Bight right under my nose off the coast of Adelaide. The resulting explosion of the hot rock hitting the cold water boomed like the world’s greatest kettle drum. The plume of steam from the giant underwater visitor shrouded the entire Kangaroo Island in dense fogoni. It is thought that the object must have come to rest just East of the coast of Kangaroo Island, off the Newland Head Peninsula. Recovery teams have been dispatched to each meteor in hopes of being able to find and salvage the visitor of aether’s space.”

  “Do you find any articles of interest, Mr. Temperance?”

  “I’m sorry, Miss Plumtartt. I was distracted by the newspaper when I should be enjoying the surroundings. This fabulous rooftop restaurant atop the illustrious Benjamin Arms Hotel affords us a sparkling view of this bustling new city.”

  “In actuality, your Birmingham of the United States, Alabama, is not so very different from our steel town of Birmingham, England. I’m just happy that you are actually reading the news as opposed to the scandal rags you normally favour.”

  “But they always have such tantalizing covers, Miss Plumtartt!”

  “What, pray tell, is able to tear your attention from the celebrity gossip rags, eh, hem?”

  “Oh, it’s this meteor bombardment those poor folks down under suffer from, Ma’am. It would be a frightening thing to be under meteor bombardment, don’t you agree, Miss Plumtartt? I beg your pardon, Ma’am? Miss Plumtartt? I don’t mean to sound disrespectful, Ma’am, but your mouth is hanging open like an astonished fish and your perky expression is now as slack as a wet hanky. Is there something in the sky over my left shoulder I should be aware of?”

  I turn to see a fireball descending from Heaven, churning the stratosphere into boiling waves of orange.

  It appears to be headed straight for us, traveling from East to West across the sky. Though it is far above, we cannot help but to instinctively duck our heads. I can feel the heat from the fiery display. The burning apparition roars directly over our position, and continues Westward leaving the sky roiling with clouds of smoke. A few, long seconds later, we can see a flash of light on the dark horizon from the heavy impact as our visitor from the aether of space collides with planet Earth.

  “A meteor, Miss Plumtartt! Just like Australia! It looks like it came down a ways West of here. Perhaps as far as Tuscaloosa.”

  “I see, Mr. Temperance. Please allow me to hazard a guess as to your next request. You wish to visit and view this inter-voidal flotsam?”

  “One man’s flotsam is another man’s treasure, Miss Plumtartt.”

  “Quite right, Mr. Temperance. I confess to sharing a bit of your curiosity myself. If we are to go searching for this celestial visitor, then I suggest we get an early start. You may escort me to my room and return at dawn for our rock hunt rendezvous.”

  “Yes, Ma’am.”

  “We would not want some fortune seeker achieving the goal before us, uh hem?”

  “Fortune seekers, Ma’am?”

  “I say, of course, Mr. Temperance, these aetherical artifacts are notorious for being made of gold and stuffed with precious gems.”

  “Gosh, really?”

  “No, of course not, you silly boy.”

  “Gee whiz, Miss Plumtartt, Ma’am, I sure did enjoy our meal together, and I’m awfully excited about getting to go on an outing with you.”

  “Oh, for Heaven’s sake, you bashful boy. Give me that hat. There, it may rest atop my own head for the nonce. It would seem to fall upon me to initiate things of a romantic nature, eh hem? Well then, I shall just clasp your jaw, turn your head, and place a kiss directly on your cheek!”

  ~mmm-smack!~

  “Yes, quite, hear, hear, good show! Finally, we’re getting somewhere! Until the morrow, Mr. Temperance.”

  ~click~

  She kissed me! Miss Plumtartt kissed me right on the cheek!

  “Whoo-hoo!”

  I’ll take a pass on the lifterator and just skip down the steps. Gee, between the kiss and running down the stairs, my head is spinning like it just got hit by a chunk of inter-voidal flotsam.

  ---

  “Roof!”

  “Yessir, Mr. Bolt, Clementine got us here right on time. The sky to the East is warming up and the first rays of the Sun are just coming through.”

  “Roof!”

  “Don’t be scared, Bolt; those doormen work here. Yessir, they are impressive with those big old coats. I think the coats are built with fans in the epaulets to keep the wearer cool in the heat of the day.”

  Acting in sharp accordance the two commodore appointed hotel guards swing open the twin copper-clad doors. The motion catches the Sun’s glare, momentarily blinding me. Emerging from the point of brilliance, a radiant Miss Persephone Plumtartt steps from the Benjamin Arms’ embrace.

  A single beam of the Sun’s magical light catches Persephone - that is, I mean Miss Plumtartt! - in a golden glow. Her auburn tresses catch the rays and reflect them in a wondrous illumination. Her dress is a deep red, whose satin fabric shimmers in the morning sunbeams. With a smile that could light up the dark side of the moon, she descends the front steps.

  “Mr. Temperance, I say, if you go about with your mouth agape, are you not in danger of inadvertently catching a fly, eh hem?”

  “Uhb.”

  “Please feel free to ogle me at your leisure, sir.”

  “Uhb, unh, hunh? Oh, I’m sorry, Miss Plumtartt, Ma’am!”

  “I am jesting, Mr. Temperance. Actually, I think it charming that my appearance often places you into a mild enchantment.”

  “Gee, that’s swell, Ma’am.”

  “Yes, it pleases me to see thoughts of an amorous nature playing in your hazel eyes.”

  “You’re making me blush, Miss Plumtartt! Here, let me assist you up into the buggy.”

  “Ah, thank you, sir. I see that you have thoughtfully provided us with a careful chaperon for today’s excursion, eh hem?”

  “Roof!”

  “I say, of course, Bolt, I will endeavor to behave myself, but please do not ask me to promise, eh hem?”

  “Roof!”

  “Miss Plumtartt!”

  “Not to worry, Mr. Temperance, Bolt knows that I am indulging in play, do you not, monsieur?”

  “Roof!”

  “Miss Plumtartt?”

  “Mr. Temperance?”

  Miss Plumtartt’s blue peepers are more alive than Independence Day sparkler sticks.

  ~batt, batt, batt~

  “Uhb. Oh, are you ready, Ma’am?”

  “Quite so, Mr. Temperance. With Bolt sitting between us on this buggy’s bench, we are ready for trave
l.”

  “We’re gonna go up Twentieth Street before we turn out of town.”

  “Be mindful of the electric trolleys, sir.”

  “Yes, Ma’am. You know, as we cross these train rails that are headed East and West, I almost want to stop Clementine. I want to touch these rails that now expand from sea to sea. I want to feel as if I am connected to this country.”

  “If you allow us to be run down by locomotive, we shall be.”

  “Hey Bolt, you have Clementine take us to the meteor; me and Miss Plumtartt are gonna ride in the back, okay?”

  “Roof!”

  “Here you Miss Plumtartt, please allow me to assist you as you step over the bench.”

  “Of course, thank you, Mr. Temperance. Ah, there we are. Yes, you are correct: this is a charming way to travel, here in the back of your open buggy. I know that Bolt is an amazing dog, Mr. Temperance, but is he actually capable of guiding the horse and finding the location we seek?”

  “Oh, yes, Ma’am, Miss Plumtartt, Ma’am! I can leave the driving and navigation to Bolt and Clementine. Bolt was affected by the passing of the Revelatory Comet. I half tell, and half conjecture an idea of what I want, and Bolt can get a pretty good read on it. In this case, all I had to do was locate the general area where meteor went down, which was somewhere near Tuscaloosa. Bolt can take it from there. Not only can he communicate with Clementine, Bolt can navigate us to Tuscaloosa. He can figure the whereabouts of the meteor’s location by discreetly getting a reading of people and animals that we happen upon along the way.”

  “How very convenient, Mr. Temperance.”

  “Yes, Ma’am, as this leaves me with the opportunity to lie in the fresh hay I have prepared in the wagon with you, Miss Plumtartt.”

  “I say, this is an absolutely delightful way to spend the morning, Mr. Temperance; watching the woods and farms roll past. Birds share their happy song as the Sun slowly creeps higher into the sky.”

  “This is a good time to get around, all right. Early summer in Alabama means we are provided with the sweet smell of honeysuckle, red trumpet, and wisteria vines. We get serenaded by young froggies and grasshoppers, too.”

  “How very nice.”

  “Gee whiz, getting to be in a horse-drawn wagon on a voyage of scientific discovery with the smartest, prettiest, sweetest girl in the whole wide World is just about the best thing there ever could be. I can only think of one thing to make things better.”

  “Yes, and what would that be, eh hem?”

  “Ma’am, would you care for a roll in the hay?”

  “Eek! I beg your pardon, Mr. Temperance?”

  “I have prepared a picnic and I thought you might like to partake in these delightful pastries while they are still hot.”

  “Oh, yes, of course. Thank you.”

  “Gosh, these snacks were good, but now I can think of something else to make our travels more pleasant.”

  “That would be?”

  “Well, if I’m not being too forward, may I ask if you would like to hold hands for a little bit?”

  “Why Mr. Temperance, your boldness thrills me. It is so very gratifying to see you finally cut your way free from the chivalric husk of your prudish cocoon. I would cherish the opportunity to hold your noble hand.”

  “Gee!”

  With the tender contact, time slips away for the rest of our journey.

  As dusk approaches, our little party has no trouble locating our quarry. Nor do we need Mr. Bolt’s fantastic psychic skills. Everyone for miles around is tremendously excited about the massive explosion they experienced when the meteor made impact. People that were early to bed were thrown from them. Cakes collapsed. Dishes were knocked from shelves and flung from soapy, startled hands as they were being washed.

  The only trouble has been the place of impact for the meteor. The landing zone has proven to be in the pasture of an ill-tempered farmer by the name of Mr. Grunt. The frowning farmer is not happy about having his property damaged by a meteor, and even less happy about having a bunch of folks wanting to tread upon his well kept grounds.

  “Git oiff der loiwn, youse kids!”

  “His Connecticut accent seems so out of place in this Alabama pasture, don’t it, Miss Plumtartt?”

  “Quite so, Mr. Temperance. He does not appear to be allowing entrance to his farm, eh hem?”

  “No Ma’am, I reckon he’s afraid he might be missing out on some sort of golden, money-making opportunity.”

  “You must go and gain our entrance, Mr. Temperance.”

  “Yes, Ma’am, Miss Plumtartt, Ma’am.”

  “Howdy there, Mr. Grunt, can we…”

  “Ennh...”

  “But, Mr. Grunt…”

  “Ennh!!!”

  “Oh, well, come on, Miss Plumtartt, let’s get us a spot on the fence along with the rest of the onlookers.”

  “Darkness precludes any further observations, eh hem?”

  “Yes, Ma’am, but the awful stench coming off that thing is free for everybody to enjoy.”

  “Yes, quite so, Mr. Temperance. The meteor’s pass through our stratosphere heated the space rock to enormous temperatures.”

  “Smells sort of like clay that has been heated to the point of boiling.”

  “An apt description, sir.”

  “Looks like folks are settling in to stay the night. Are you up to a camp-out, Miss Plumtartt?”

  “With Bolt as our faithful chaperon, I feel we are safe from scandal.”

  “Everybody is quieting down. I think they want to listen.”

  “Indeed, Mr. Temperance, for if you listen closely, you can hear our visitor from space hiss, creak, and occasionally pop, as it goes through a cooling process.”

  “Golly, an object from space, just sitting right out there. I can’t wait until tomorrow to get a look at it.”

  ---

  “I say, by the dawn’s early light, what view is afforded is not much, eh hem?”

  “No Ma’am, Miss Plumtartt. For the most part, all there is to see is a big pile of upset dirt. Steam still rises from the center of the low hill. Chunks of displaced pasture litter the grounds for miles around.”

  “The missile struck the Earth at an angle, breaking some trees, and subsequently carving a long trench along the top of a low hill. It then broke contact with the ground, to collide into an adjacent hillock. This is where the great heap of dirt is piled up, leaving the meteor completely buried beneath, eh hem?”

  “Looky there, Miss Plumtartt, a contingent of dignitaries from the nearby University of Alabama is here to prevail upon Mr. Grunt to relent in his stingy ways.”

  “Mr. Grunt, in recognition of your brave sacrifice of allowing excavation and donation of this valuable specimen, the University is proud to present this Collegiate Honorarium.”

  “Ennh, phooey!”

  “Oh my Goodness, Miss Plumtartt, science is foiled!”

  “Not to worry, Mr. Temperance, I may be able to lend academia a lending hand.”

  “I say, my dear and charming Mr. Grunt, how fortuitous that this gift of the Heavens should fall into the guardianship of such a fair and broad-minded gentleman. I say, what a gracious and scholarly entrustee. The Fates themselves must have surely intervened to have Providence deposit her manna in your possession to protect this artifact for all Mankind to share in, eh hem?”

  “Ohhh, huh-wuh-I-ee don’ know…”

  ~batt, batt, batt~

  The touch of Miss Plumtartt’s hand upon his wrist, help to impart the importance of our mission.

  “Dear me, I might be ever so flustered if this should not come to be. No, that is a scandalous thought, and not a concern with such a civic-minded, and er, handsome pillar of the community as you, my charming and witty good friend, Mr. Gruntsy-Pooh.”

  “Oh, okay, youse can get the thing out of here.”

  “Okey dokey, y’all, I reckon we need to get some volunteers to dig up this rock.”

  “Rrrrrrrrr.”

  “Bo
lt, what’s the matter, boy? You ain’t got no cause to be alarmed, buddy.”

  “Mr. Temperance, forgive me for I cannot provide an explanation, but I am suddenly ill at ease being so close to this object.”

  “Bolt, Miss Plumtartt, and you too, Miss Clementine? What’s the matter, y’all? It’s just a rock, ain’t it? We have come a long way to see this thing. I think we oughta continue with our scientific expedition.”

  “On behalf of Bolt and Clementine, I am impelled to share a deep foreboding.”

  “I usually follow my gut instincts, but I just don’t see no harm in checking out a meteor strike. It’ll be okay, y’all. I really cannot see what is so sinister about this rock.”

  “We will wait for you at the fence, Mr. Temperance.”

  “Okay, y’all wait at the fence, I’m going with the volunteers to help dig.”

  “Roof!”

  “Settle down, Bolt, it’s okay. You just go wait for me with Miss Plumtartt, boy.”

  In all, about fifteen of us volunteer ourselves to the task of unearthing our visitor from the vacuum of space. The dirt is knocked loose, so it is pretty easy to work with.

  “Golly, this dirt sure is warm, y’all.”

  “Yeah, stinky, too.”

  ~tink.~

  “Hey, I think I just hit our object with my shovel.”

  “Me too.”

  “We’ve got a bit of it cleared off.”

  “Hunh. It’s a lot smoother than I thought it would be. It don’t hardly seem to be in an ore state at all. It is as if it has been processed, somehow.”

  Now that we have a surface to work against, we make progress all the faster. The thing curves away to the sides in what would appear to be a perfect circle. We continue our soil undressing. We clear the detritus of dirt, moving in opposite directions and perpendicular to the curve. The two teams are about thirty-five feet from one another when we notice that our end of the object is slanting inward, as if to taper together with the other sides.

  “Hey y’all, the other team of diggers has gotten quiet and stopped digging.”